Don't End Up in a Roadside Ditch

The inspiration for this blog was, in fact, the dumbest thing I saw two days ago...and yesterday...and today. It's dumb on repeat, AKA: a television commercial. If there was one thing that I learned in my argumentation class, it is that the main goal of advertisers is to come up with something so insanely dumb that it is ingenious. With the large exception of those tear-jerking ASPCA commercials, almost all commercials channel our connection with dumbness. Why? Because people remember dumb things. You think of a crazy man riding a horse backwards, you suddenly buy your boyfriend Old Spice. You see an ugly chihuahua and suddenly crave a taco. Need I go on?

The specific television commercial up for analysis today is brought to us by Direct TV. This advertisement focuses on a man being kept on hold by his cable company who ultimately ends up in a roadside ditch. If you have not seen this ad, you must follow this youtube link --> http://tinyurl.com/6v5slwt Okay, now that we're all on the same page and probably utterly confused, I will present to you the four main aspects of dumbness in this commercial...

1. First of all, I understand that being kept on hold can be annoying, irritating, and agitating. But really, who gets so angry about it that they need to "blow off steam"? If that is the worst thing that happens to you, your life is pretty damn good. And if you get seriously upset over something that small, maybe you should pop a Xanax, just saying.

2. Exactly how common are racquetball accidents? I felt as though I must find this out, so I turned to the Texas Racquetball website. If anyone knows a thing or two about hardcore racquetball, it would be the Texans. They advise that you should "ALWAYS WEAR RACQUETBALL GOGGLES!". Perhaps if our main character was a Texas resident, this could have all been prevented.

3. Okay, I need to take a moment to focus on possibly the most outrageous aspect of this ad. In what world are eye patches considered "tough"? Seriously, I remember making fun of kids who had to wear an eye patch. Are there pirate gangs somewhere that I don't know about? I didn't see any peg-legs on those tattooed gentlemen from the bus. I just don't know what else to say...

4. So, my father pointed this one out to me and I just had to include it because of the hilarious mental image which it creates. After watching the commercial he stated, "He had a damn racquet, couldn't he have whacked a few?". As the Texas Racquetball website warns us, "When racquets hit human bodies, they hurt". This is a bit of a mute point at this part of the analysis, but I would like to think that if I had a racquet I could take out a few hoodlums.

So, what is the moral of this story? I know! If we need to blow off steam by playing racquetball, we should go to Texas...wait, no. We need to get tough on pirate youth gangs! That's not it either... I believe the hidden message in this commercial is that we should all get Direct TV, become hermits, and avoid all sports. This is the only sure fire way to avoid ending up in a roadside ditch. Of course, I have Comcast, so I guess I'm screwed...

A Message to No One

Let's face it, people are dumb. Things that people do are dumb, things that people say are dumb, things that people make are dumb. I'm not making a statement about "people today" or how technology is turning us into mindless drones. We are all dumb. Always have been, always will be. There are different levels and moments of dumbness and we all have them. Haven't you ever seen something (maybe something you did) and thought, "Damn, that was the dumbest thing I've seen all day"? That is what this blog is about. There are many inspirational people who agree that we, as a human race, are all connected. We are connected by love, by species, by blah blah blah. Truth is, we are all connected by the simple fact that we do dumb things. We can laugh at the dumb things that we do and agree with others, "Gee, that was dumb!".

Another fact: people enjoy dumb things. And sometimes we don't realize how simple it is. We should embrace our dumbness because it is a fact of life that can sometimes make for a rather enjoyable time. And that is what I will provide to you, my lovely readers. I may not tell you the dumbest thing I've seen every sinlge day. Or I may have to make multiple posts in one day because, well, just when we thing we've seen the dumbest thing something comes along to prove us wrong. Sometimes I will talk about myself because I am dumb. My goodness, am I dumb. But, I am not dumb enough to deny it. We should accept and love the dumb because honestly, no matter what you do someone, somewhere thinks that it's dumb. Diversity makes the world go round, but so do dumb moments.